I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
