Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
