Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
