Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my sisters under your porch take her home
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
