Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
