I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
