thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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