Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
