I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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