More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
