i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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