id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
