I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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