Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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