I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
