Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
