Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
