At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
