This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
