so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
