Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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