You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
