I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize