I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
did you just send me my own nude
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
