Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
