I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
