I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
