no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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