I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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