My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
