my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize