If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
