The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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