well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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