you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were trust falling into bushes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
