I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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