you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
