she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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