Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
