Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm at about main and main street
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
