found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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