My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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