um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
