at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
