You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
