things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
