are you still at the devil's house?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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