I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
