I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
