Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize