you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
