Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
