Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
