i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
