I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
