ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
