I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
