I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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