I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
