I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize