$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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