Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize