eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
