We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
