chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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