hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize