So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize