next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
