I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
