P.S. I can't hear my feet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
