i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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