either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
