All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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