i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
