I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
