Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
